Well, I have received news that my sister died on Sunday, she was having some back surgery and was recovering then she was gone.
I am not able to fly over to the States due to the time element, in the US we get them buried in less than three days but over here in Britian it takes over a week and in one case a friend finally had their ceremony a month later.
I certainly had not expected it since she was only 48, quite young indeed, she was dealing with health issues but had a strong heart. We lost touch for quite a few years as families do when they are in different countries and getting on with their daily lives, we just forget to stop and make attempts to contact one another. But I wondered if we used it up in our youths, growing up we were always a tight family clan and we girls (four) did alot of running around and beinging in each others pockets maybe that was why we distanced ourselves as adults.
I also noticed things about death seem to be more prevelant, tv movies, books, news ( well news does always count they always focus on death) talk shows. Seems sometimes its always around you but only when your focus changes do you suddenly notice it. Like when we put the box ontop of the car suddenly we noticed every car had a box. Or as I like to think sometimes it is a sign.
So Claudia I regret not touching base with you but know that with your legacy of lovely children Eric, Alyssa, Courtney, the twins Michael & Christine and your granddaughter Eva
your spark will carry on. I thank you for being my sister as well .
Much love
Theresa
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Auntie, I unfortunately know how you feel. No one can ever fully understand what it is like to walk a day in your shoes, but I know the sadness that comes with the loss of a sibling. Siblings are also sometimes overlooked, and society hasn’t necessarily prepared people with the proper etiquette when speaking to someone about their loss. “I’m sorry for your loss” and “He’s in a better place” were the two phrases that would eventually enrage me. I hated hearing it from people I barely knew or who barely knew my brother. A better place?! No, a better place would be here with us, at home! Who are you to tell me he’s in a better place?!
What I hated even more were the questions: How are your parents doing? I can’t believe your parents are holding together – how do they do it? I titled those asinine questions about my parents dismissive condolences. People aren’t consciously trying to upset you; they just don’t know what to say. I know now that people either didn’t know what to say or they were afraid of my response. They didn’t want to reopen a wound if they didn’t have to. Regardless, those two quotes lost their meaning with me and I am fully aware of how those words sound to the surviving family members.
I know parents never anticipate outliving their children, but siblings also don’t plan on growing up (and old) alone. Your siblings are supposed to be there for the rest of your life. When the natural progression of things is disrupted, it seems to knock the wind out of your sails and you spend the next couple of years trying to regroup and refocus. One positive outcome to death is bringing family closer together and awakening people to their current lives. It is amazing how much of your life can be spent while you are “asleep”, or completely oblivious to the path your life takes you. Hopefully, with Claudia crossing over, you will have a renewed awakening to your life, your husband, your friends and your career.
Just like Momma Gump said, death is a part of life. If only more people were willing to accept that concept, maybe we would all enjoy our time together here a little better.
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